It's Official!!

Yesterday, we got our final judgement that Holden is now ours forever. We were able to do our court appearance via telephone. It was so awesome. The judge had pictures of us, he commented on how handsome Holden was, the judge also said he could tell that Holden was spoiled because everything he had on matched. LOL, I thought you were supposed to match. Anyway, one of the questions we were asked was if we would treat Holden as if he were a biological child. Of course, we said yes. I was thinking, how else would we treat "OUR SON"??? Then our lawyer said jokingly, this includes even when he is a teenager and you are not too happy with him, the lawyer said, are you still sure. We laughed and said of course!!! So, we went through the questions, there were 7 of them.

Then, the judge says, I see here where you would like a picture of me signing his finalization papers. I said, "yes, please." The judge told our lawyer to give him a minute to take a deep breath, in other words, suck it in!! LOL, I really loved this judge. I can only imagine, being a judge, signing an adoption finalization has got to be one of the joyous things he does. It was just a cute, fun court appearance. What a pleasure the whole thing was. My co-worker was our notary for us, when it was all said and done, she said, please excuse me, this is bringing me to tears. I guess, actually, I know, adoption does that.

Oh, to top off our awesome adoption news, my friend Elisabeth got her travel call yesterday too. How awesome, I knew her sweet daughter and our my son would have a connection. To make it all even sweeter, she will get her daughter forever on Mon. the 28th and that will be our 8 month anniversary of having Holden forever. How sweet it is!!!

I recently heard this, for those with biological children, it is not a knock towards you at all. It takes an act of nature to give birth but an act of God to adopt. Those who have/are adopting understand this. It is like the moon and stars have to align just right and when they do, how beautiful it is.

We love you sweet Holden, you are now considered by the state of FL and the USA, OUR SON!!! We knew you were OUR SON, the moment we saw your face. We are so blessed by you and to have you, we love you sweet boy!!! By the way, Holden is now an American citizen!!

The Eve of 15 Months

Tomorrow my sweet Holden will be 15 months old. Where has the time gone? What happened to that baby we brought home?? He has turned into such a little boy, he is running every where, he is talking, I am not sure what he is saying. Maybe I should get out my Hangul-english dictionary?? LOL

I have so enjoyed watching him grow, I have had the honor of spending the last month and a half at home with him. It is just amazing how much I have seen him learn in that time. He is getting taller, he has such a personality that at times can be so much bigger than life. I now understand where the idea of animation has come from.

Some of the things Holden can do:

He can take off running before you know it

He loves to drum on everything, including Omma, Appa and the puppies.

He knows where his highchair is. He "prepares it" for me, he moves the straps and brings me the tray when asked if he wants food or fruit.

He knows where his milks (almond milk) is. He goes to the fridge and starts trying to pull on the handle.

He knows where Appa's belly button is, he will pull up Appa's shirt and poke his little finger in Appa's bellybutton.

He can find Appa's nose, he likes to jam his fingers up Appa's nose to the point Holden gave Appa a nose bleed.

He likes to play catch with the puppies.

He has finally gotten to a point where he gives Omma and Appa kisses and not just hugs.

He likes to say "heeeeyyyyyy" in his cute little voice.

So, Holden, on the eve of your turning 15 months, Omma and Appa want you to know that we love you whole heartedly and you are the perfect little chaos in our lives. You are the one we needed to remind us how to be young again and that life is to be enjoyed, we love seeing the world through your eyes.

We only ask one thing, slow down, quit growing and changing so fast!! We want to enjoy every minute we have with you. We cherish you and the joy you bring to our lives. Please, never forget how to laugh and play, these are the things that seem to go first when we become adults. Son, you continue to amaze us, we are so blessed to have you in our lives. We love you forever and always!!

6 Months

Yesterday was 6 months since Holden was placed in our arms. I was really hoping we would of heard something from his foster family by now. I still remember the last time we saw them, the FM (foster mother) placed him in our arms forever as we got in the elevator, as I looked out, I could see the FS (foster sister) still crying. It was a heart wrenching, joyous day. I always wonder if Holden has a recollection of what happened. Yesterday, I was getting gas, I always turn the keys to where the air and radio are on but the engine is not turned over. Anyway, he was sitting in his seat and then, it seemed as though he was starting to panic, he could not see me and I think that scared him. I am sure this would be the reaction of any 14 month old child but, as an AP (adoptive Parent), I always wonder what is going through his head.

I can't imagine being with someone whom you rely on to meet ALL of your needs for 6 months and then being handed to someone new and WONDERING IF they will meet your needs? I mean, they don't speak the same language as the last person, you are in a different country and you have NO CLUE what is going on or what to expect. I know that my son has adjusted well but, the momma inside me always wonders what he is thinking about different situations. I try to put myself in his shoes and think about his experiences and with that, I draw on it all to help me get him calm.

I still pray for Holden's FM, FS and BP (Birth Parents), I always pray that they find peace and know that Holden is loved. So, if that means the FM has to step back and make no contact in order to do so, then I guess I have to accept that.

So, as I sit here and write this, I know it sounds like I may be an overprotective and spoiling mother but, I know what my son's "issues" and what his "history" is. I feel that in order for ME to be a good mother, I have to step back at times and think about my son and all of his "experiences" thus far. If that makes me an overprotective and spoiling mother then, I guess I am!!

Wondering

Today, I am full of wonder. I am wondering what this year will bring, what I will be doing as far as job wise this year. I am wondering why I see so many other families receive notes, pictures and gifts for their babies from the foster families and my son has not received anything. I wonder if the goodbye letters that were written by the foster family is their "goodbye"? Wondering how you can be so quiet for so long to a child that you loved, cherished and took care of for 6 very important months of his life. Wondering how you can go on without him and how I will explain the silence to him. Wondering if he will ever hear from his foster family. Wondering if you are too busy or too sad to send a little "hello". I am wondering how to deal with this myself, much less how my son will deal with it later. I have questions about it all, it's no wonder he will too. Wondering if it is possible that a mother's heart can break for a child that may not ever really remember his foster family. I wonder if my wondering is just a waste of time and energy. Now, I wonder, do any of you have suggestions of what to do???

MIA

I have been MIA for a long time. I (we) have had so much going on it has just been so crazy. We had a good Christmas, it was not quite the one I pictured but Holden knew no difference. I must say, I am so fortunate to have him as my son. Some mornings I wake up, look into his face and wonder how God could give me such a wonderful gift. Other mornings, I wake up and look at Holden's little face and think. "you are such a little stinker!".

My poor baby has not been well the last few days and luckily my mother's instinct has been kicking in tell me he may have an allergy to milk. So, for now, i have put him on almond milk and will try introducing dairy products again at a later date when I feel it is "safe" to do so. Holden's poor little system needs a rest. He has been throwing up and had diarrhea, I am going to make an appointment with a nutritionist so I can make sure he gets all the good fats and proteins he needs.

Pretty soon, I will have the gift of time. I will have time to spend with my son, time to figure out exactly what his diet should be and possibly time to take a few courses. I have to think of this as a gift, as it was not planned or anticipated but it is happening so, it has to be a gift from God.

So, that is what is happening here, what's going on in your neck of the woods??

What does a family that has experienced the joys of Adoption look like??

This is a sample of what an adoptive family looks like.

Holden and his rubber ducky

He's Walking!

Our Holden is walking! He has been working on getting it down, this is a video of him walking and taking quite a few steps. He is getting there, seems all too quick but you can't hold a good man down!! LOL

Enjoy!!

Our Baby Shower/ Meet Holden Party

We were supposed to have our baby shower on Sat., July 24th. It was funny because my sister was going to originally do it the following Sat. and I told her, I really think you need to change it. You see, I had the date the July 28th in my mind. Well, we got our Travel call on July 16, we had to fly out on July 23rd so, the shower had to be post phoned.If you believe in signs, even if you don't or are skeptical, I know they exist, you just have to be willing to take a step back and put the pieces together. Why July 28th you ask, well, my Mother-in-law had passed away on that date in 2008 and I knew that she would find a way to be included in our journey. July 28th was the day that Holden was placed in our arms forever, some call this "Gotcha Day", "adoption Day", I like to think of this day as "the Day God gave us you". Anyway, my mother-in-law was very sick when she passed and I knew she would find a way to let my husband know that although she may not of approved of his adopting while she was alive, that she would let him know that she now understood and would send her blessing. This may be too deep for some or sound like a lot of jibberish to some but that is ok, I KNOW that she had a hand in this adoption, just like I KNOW my grandpa did.

Anyway, back to the shower, we had it on Aug. 21st and I will tell you, this child is LOVED. There were friends and family that traveled many miles to see him, from each coast here in FL. We also had someone send a gift from out of state to my sister to make sure we had it for his shower.

We had ladies who are great friends with my sister, they know us a little, go out of their way to help make sure our shower was put together and fun. We had family that helped, you could feel the love and just the blessing of having these people in our lives and now in our son's life. We had friends there who have adopted, too bad we did not get a picture of them all, it was like a Benneton (however you spell it) commercial!!

One of the games they played was they out a name on your back, it was a child star, these were people that could still be children or could be grown up, you could ask questions and the first to guess won. Well, I asked if I was a boy or girl, they said boy. I asked have I ever been naked in a movie or anything and they said no. So, I am just standing there and I said, it will be my luck I am Gary Coleman or something and they all started laughing and said, well, actually you are. I won a game at my own shower in a matter of a few minutes, I felt bad, I was just being a smart butt!!!

Well, here are some pictures from our shower, Holden had a blast, he was the hit of the party. I think I only saw my son for about 10 minutes, he is such a little social butterfly!!

The Last 2 weeks

The last 2 weeks have been crazy!! Even though I have been home, it seems like I get NOTHING done. I am constantly watching Holden to make sure he is not putting things in his mouth, pushing buttons he shouldn't, not falling and hitting his head, it is all exhausting. I have learned to take naps when he does, that is key in staying patient.

I have learned to put him on a schedule and he pretty much sticks to it except when bed time comes. He hates going to bed before everyone else, he does not want to miss a thing! He also knows who to go to when he has pooped in his diaper, good old Omma (mommy), gotta love the poppy diapers!!!

I took him to Disney and swimming this past Wed. He had a blast in the pool!! I think he is too young to appreciate Disney just yet. We took him on the Haunted Mansion ride and he slept through the whole thing! That's my son, he WILL have his nap when he wants it!

I am going to post a few pictures of his bath time, his room and just his cute little self.

Home

We are home and have been here for a few days. Sorry I have not kept up with the blog. There was so much to do and so little sleep to be gotten!! I will get everything caught up once I get more sleep. for now, here are some pics of our son!!!

Flight

So, we got up at4:30 AM and started our day. We had packed a smaller suitcase into our larger suitcase so we had plenty of room for things to bring back. Well, good thing we did, otherwise we would have had to pay $100 for the overage of the weight of the suitcase. We were allowed to have 2 pieces of luggage each, but not over 50 pounds per piece. We had to move stuff into the bigger suitcase to shift the weight.

Then...... I get pulled aside because I had a carry on that I had candles in. They pulled me aside to make sure it was just candles, note to self: bringing candles on a plane, pull them out and put in a bucket so they don't have to pull me aside.

We made it to Atlanta......... and of course, the flight from Atlanta to Seoul was delayed by an hour and a half. We had a 4 and a half hour lay over, UGH!!!

We get on the plane and Nicole and I had the worst seats EVER!!! There were some crazy box things that took up half of our foot space and the guy in front of Nicole practically had his head in her lap. It was so crazy, she managed to sleep and I have no clue how!! I was wide awake the entire flight.

We get off the plane and find the KAL limo, it took us to the Renaissance Hotel and dropped us off. From there, we had to go up this steep hill with 3 suitcases, carry-ons, and purses. We start looking around and of course we have no clue where we are going. Luckily some guy on a moped saw us and I guess he felt sorry for us pitiful Americans and asked to see our map and then showed us where to go. Thank God, we could still be walking around with suitcases in tow wondering where we were going!!!

We got into the guesthouse and then we decided to venture out for some food. By this time it was about 9pm and everywhere seemed to be closed or had no vegetarian food. We saw a pizza place and decided to play it safe. Their slogan was "Love for Women", you know it has to be classy!! LOL.

Pediatrician

Monday I wen and met with Holden's pediatrician. She is such an awesome person. She had a list ready for me with what I needed to take and dosages for medicines that he might need while over there, based on his age and weight. She spent an hour with me, her staff was great, they squeezed me in last minute.

So....... I have this list and I run and grab a bite and then head to Target. I was walking in and she was walking in at the same time. She asked me if I had anymore questions and I said, "no, I just have this list of things to get from the pediatrician I just saw." She laughed and said, "grab a cart and come on." I thought ok, this could get interesting. So, I did as she requested and she took me down the aisles and started tossing things in my basket saying, "you need this, you need this, gotta have this."

What did I think?? I thought thank God, I would have been here for hours trying to figure it all out. I thanked her once again and she wished me a safe trip and was on her way to do her shopping. All I could think was I don't know of any Dr's in today's world that would have done what she did. I feel so fortunate that I found her. She has been able to keep me level headed and focused on what to pack and what to do in different scenarios we could encounter.

Perfect.....

On Fri., I was at work. The Fed Ex guy came and had a delivery for me, it was the stroller we had ordered the week before, I knew it was coming so I expected it. My co-worker and I were assembling what little needed to be done and we were just zooming it around the office, checking it out, making sure the breaks worked. In the middle of all this, my phone rang. The # was a New York # so, my head went to the agency right away. I was thinking, this could be "the call" but it could just be that they needed to ask me something.

Anyway.......... on the other end was the SW (social worker), she asked if I had a few minutes, really do yo have to ask?, of course I do. She says, "well, you need to start making arrangements, this is your travel call." My head was racing, I start crying of course, my mind goes to, Oh no, my sister is going to kill me. She is having our baby shower next Sat., I even said that to the SW, she kept asking me how I felt, what I was thinking. Again, I am thinking, really, do you have to ask??

So........ I get off the phone with the SW and I call my sister. I preface the call with, "please do not kill me" (she had already moved the shower up a week because I told her I really felt she should.) My sister says,"why am I going to kill you?" So, I tell her the news, she screams in my ear, I am telling you, she is one proud aunt. She started screaming to her co-workers about it, my ear was about to blow!!!

Then........ I get off the phone with my sis and call my mom. I tell her and she starts screaming too, telling my grandma about her grandbaby coming home. My poor grams thought someone was hurt, by now, my ear is hurting my head is spinning. I am trying to think of all the people I had to call, all the appointments I needed to change.

Luckily......... I was able to change appointments for vaccinations,the pediatrician consulting appointment and a Dr's appointment. Thank goodness they all knew what we were doing and were all able to move the appointments up. I was so thankful that they worked with me.

Now....... my head still continues to spin with everything that needs to be done and what to pack. I have yet to get Holden's room ready, the new floors will be done on Tues. and then we can put his crib together. Cutting it close??? Yes and you know what? I would not have it any other way, this will definitely help the time fly by!! Stressed, yes, anxious, yes, nervous, yes, picking our son up and holding him in our arms, priceless!!!!

Wondering

I am just sitting here tonight, wondering how Holden is doing. I wonder what he looks like now, we have not received any updates or pictures from Korea. I am wondering if he has any idea of the changes coming his way? I am wondering when we will get the Travel call, I am wondering what to pack, I am wondering if I will have all the gifts we need? I am just wondering about my son and the journey we are going to undertake. I wonder if in 20 years, he will look back on his life and wonder how it could have been different?

I am just sitting here, WONDERING........................

Working Hard

Rob and I have been working very hard on getting everything done!! We worked on Holden's new closet system tonight, will finish that tomorrow, a week from today, the guys are coming to do the floors, that will be a 2-day thing. I can't wait to get those floors in so I can really get Holden's room together.

We have a lot left to do, I wanted to have everything done a month ahead of time and then just kick back and wait. I get questions all the time about why we are waiting until the last minute. I could say, because we were just waiting but truthfully, I did not want to have to walk by an empty nursery for months on end. So, my answer to that question is to keep my self preservation, some might not understand that and others will "get it". Each one of us walk this journey in different ways and having tried to have a child and then joining the adoption roller coaster, 6 long years later, I can finally do a nursery for a son that is OURS. He is waiting for us to come bring him HOME, that is one feeling I will never forget.

So, yes we put it off and put it off but by doing so, I have been able to stay sane and now I can really ENJOY the excitement of putting my son's nursery together. This is helping the days fly by and thank GOD for that or else I would be going crazy from waiting to hold my son!!!

Welcome!

Welcome to our blog, we have decided to move our future posts here. We feel that since we have decided to name our son Holden, our other blog does not hold as much meaning as this blog will.

More posts to come soon.