Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Today, I am full of wonder. I am wondering what this year will bring, what I will be doing as far as job wise this year. I am wondering why I see so many other families receive notes, pictures and gifts for their babies from the foster families and my son has not received anything. I wonder if the goodbye letters that were written by the foster family is their "goodbye"? Wondering how you can be so quiet for so long to a child that you loved, cherished and took care of for 6 very important months of his life. Wondering how you can go on without him and how I will explain the silence to him. Wondering if he will ever hear from his foster family. Wondering if you are too busy or too sad to send a little "hello". I am wondering how to deal with this myself, much less how my son will deal with it later. I have questions about it all, it's no wonder he will too. Wondering if it is possible that a mother's heart can break for a child that may not ever really remember his foster family. I wonder if my wondering is just a waste of time and energy. Now, I wonder, do any of you have suggestions of what to do???


  1. Well, I don't really know much about your relationship or how you are expecting them to keep in touch with you. Have you reached out at all since coming home? Are they able to speak or read any English? The language barrier is huge. Our contact with the foster family was done through mutual agreement and through their grown daughter who is fluent in English. I don't know how we would have done it without her. Just remember it is a 2-way street! Don't get yourself too upset if it doesn't happen--it doesn't mean they loved him any less. They might think they are being respectful of you by letting you be. You can't assume anything in this situation.

  2. I have sent 3 packages full of pictures and a lengthy letter to them through our agency. I know it was translated and all packages of pictures were sent to the agency in Korea. I know that she would have gotten all of these things by now and they were all sent at different intervals. I know it is a two way street and it seems as though my light has been green for a long time.

  3. Heather -

    We have not heard directly from Paul's foster family however we <> they access our blog every week or so. We still haven't confirmed that it is them, but it is the same IP address each time, language is listed as Korean and the internet service provider is in Seoul....so we just have to think that it is them as who else would be accessing so regularly.

    Each foster family is different and just because one foster family chooses to send letters, etc it doesn't mean they love that child more. I can't even imagine the pain of raising a baby and then having to let him go - I think each foster family has to deal with that differently. Give it some time and continue to send pictures and letters. We send packages over at least a few times per year. Make sure to include your blog address in each communication that you send and maybe they will follow the blog. Do you track your blog visitors? That's the only way that we knew that someone was consistently accesses our blog from Seoul.

    Holden is such a sweet boy that he was clearly loved very much....that is what you need to focus on!

    Hang in there...
    Katie M.

  4. Hugs Heather! I haven't been there yet but I can imagine it's difficult to experience that and worry about your child. I also imagine it's tough as a foster parent to let go, and maybe, especially if they really love a child, they can't bring themselves to keep in contact. Or maybe they have another foster child right now who is at a rough stage. You may never know. Praying for you and Holden and for a sense of peace. Hopefully you will hear from them soon.

  5. Thanks everyone. I have decided that I am going to send another package with pictures and a card. I figure that as a mother, I should continue to reach out to them. I know it has got to be tough and I want to be able to tell my son that I made great efforts to stay in touch. I think this will help not only my son in the long run but help my soul have peace knowing that I have done what I can do as a mother to help my child keep important people like them in his life. If they do have another child that they are fostering right now, I KNOW they are loving that child like they did mine and that child will flourish and grow with their love and nurturing.