6 Months

Yesterday was 6 months since Holden was placed in our arms. I was really hoping we would of heard something from his foster family by now. I still remember the last time we saw them, the FM (foster mother) placed him in our arms forever as we got in the elevator, as I looked out, I could see the FS (foster sister) still crying. It was a heart wrenching, joyous day. I always wonder if Holden has a recollection of what happened. Yesterday, I was getting gas, I always turn the keys to where the air and radio are on but the engine is not turned over. Anyway, he was sitting in his seat and then, it seemed as though he was starting to panic, he could not see me and I think that scared him. I am sure this would be the reaction of any 14 month old child but, as an AP (adoptive Parent), I always wonder what is going through his head.

I can't imagine being with someone whom you rely on to meet ALL of your needs for 6 months and then being handed to someone new and WONDERING IF they will meet your needs? I mean, they don't speak the same language as the last person, you are in a different country and you have NO CLUE what is going on or what to expect. I know that my son has adjusted well but, the momma inside me always wonders what he is thinking about different situations. I try to put myself in his shoes and think about his experiences and with that, I draw on it all to help me get him calm.

I still pray for Holden's FM, FS and BP (Birth Parents), I always pray that they find peace and know that Holden is loved. So, if that means the FM has to step back and make no contact in order to do so, then I guess I have to accept that.

So, as I sit here and write this, I know it sounds like I may be an overprotective and spoiling mother but, I know what my son's "issues" and what his "history" is. I feel that in order for ME to be a good mother, I have to step back at times and think about my son and all of his "experiences" thus far. If that makes me an overprotective and spoiling mother then, I guess I am!!